Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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