I wish my penis had an off switch
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
