I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
