who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
