Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize