So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Randomize
