i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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