I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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