So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
