Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
