if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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