I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize