Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize