Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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