if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
