I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
