Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
