from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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