Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
