Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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