I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
