my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
