okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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