i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
