ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
