he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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