i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
