I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
