Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
