ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
