new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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