I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
