I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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