So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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