Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
