Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
