We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
