the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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