It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
