My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
