You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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