new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
