Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
