I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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