Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
