when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
