If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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