He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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