I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
