I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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