Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
