I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
