Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize