why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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