so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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