It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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