In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
