p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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