hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
