We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
