Will you blow on my dice?
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
