Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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