went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
