Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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