i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize