I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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