At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize