too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
