I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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