In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize