We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
