An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
