omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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