dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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