forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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