those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
