u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize