the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
