I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
