Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
