I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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