What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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