I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
