A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize