Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
