I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Houston, we have a squirter
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How does it feel to date your dad?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
