Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
