I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
