Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
