Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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