i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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