I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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